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29

Jul

When you live at work you have to be on your best behavior and around the same people all day, everyday.  It’s prodigious and completely over stimulating for an introvert like myself. I live in a infinitesimal room that I share with someone I work with, there is no such thing as privacy or alone time. We’ve been at this spot for a week, we’ll be here for another week and this public bathroom is my only disengagement and my favorite place. It is about two football fields away from The Boneyard (where the carnie RVs and port-a-potty’s we use are). Since there are only two other girls in the carnival and it is such a junket, no one is rarely in this bathroom. Also, and super clutch, it’s air conditioned, (here in Redmond it’s 90 degrees out during the day). And, it has a nice little counter space to sit at with an outlet.  Carnies love outlets.  So here is where I deliverance.  Telling people I am hiking to the ‘flushing toilets’ and going to straighten my hair is a sufficient answer to the insensate question of where am I constantly going.  It buys me up to an hour of time. I can eat without 20 people asking me for a bite, for there is nowhere private to eat and all carnies are always hungry. Or I can sit in the AC & quiescent and have a drink since we are not allowed to drink in The Boneyard. None of my bosses are women so they couldn’t come in here anyways.  
This is my only ebb.
 My father always tells me, ‘Look in the mirror at yourself for 5 minutes everyday and think about what you see.’  An exercise sitting on a bathroom counter lets you easily execute daily. Everyday I see, and think the same thing- What a bright, kind, ingratiating women that could do whatever she wants.  Yet I am a impecunious carnie whom only treat in life is an air conditioned bathroom and $5 bottle of red wine.  How depressing.  One day I will look back on how this summer changed my life, but at the moment all I see is dissipated acumen.  Wasted talent and an intense lesson in humbleness. 
So there, I have wasted my hour trying to explain my hour.  Awesome.

When you live at work you have to be on your best behavior and around the same people all day, everyday. It’s prodigious and completely over stimulating for an introvert like myself. I live in a infinitesimal room that I share with someone I work with, there is no such thing as privacy or alone time. We’ve been at this spot for a week, we’ll be here for another week and this public bathroom is my only disengagement and my favorite place. It is about two football fields away from The Boneyard (where the carnie RVs and port-a-potty’s we use are). Since there are only two other girls in the carnival and it is such a junket, no one is rarely in this bathroom. Also, and super clutch, it’s air conditioned, (here in Redmond it’s 90 degrees out during the day). And, it has a nice little counter space to sit at with an outlet. Carnies love outlets. So here is where I deliverance. Telling people I am hiking to the ‘flushing toilets’ and going to straighten my hair is a sufficient answer to the insensate question of where am I constantly going. It buys me up to an hour of time. I can eat without 20 people asking me for a bite, for there is nowhere private to eat and all carnies are always hungry. Or I can sit in the AC & quiescent and have a drink since we are not allowed to drink in The Boneyard. None of my bosses are women so they couldn’t come in here anyways.
This is my only ebb.
My father always tells me, ‘Look in the mirror at yourself for 5 minutes everyday and think about what you see.’ An exercise sitting on a bathroom counter lets you easily execute daily. Everyday I see, and think the same thing- What a bright, kind, ingratiating women that could do whatever she wants. Yet I am a impecunious carnie whom only treat in life is an air conditioned bathroom and $5 bottle of red wine. How depressing. One day I will look back on how this summer changed my life, but at the moment all I see is dissipated acumen. Wasted talent and an intense lesson in humbleness.
So there, I have wasted my hour trying to explain my hour. Awesome.

04

Jul

Summer Surgery Soon

Short breaths
Lots of pain
I’d still be crying
All the same.
Without health issues
I still have issues.
Fuck this gallbladder
Don’t need it
It doesn’t matter.
Missing my friends
Makes me that much sadder.
All these pain pills
I feel like the Mad Hatter.
Thankfully Joan’s here
To take good care.
Hope it heals
And doesn’t tear.
But all this pain’s making me berserk
Actually looking forward
To getting back to work.
Back to sin,
The carnival, looney bin.
Summer’s just begun
Hot summer full of sun
In Funtastic, gonna keeping it fun.
So wish me luck on my journey
Come Friday, I’ll be on a gurney.

07

May

Him:
So did you break down the carnival?
Me:
Yes. Craziest shit ever... like packing the most intricate tent set ever. 5 hours until 3am, no breaks, didn't stop, covered in dirt, everyone rushing so hard and carrying soo much.
Long story short, it wasn't steaming dresses at Betsey Johnson.

Continually being disappointed in others, and surprised in my own abilities.

27

Apr

It’s 3am and I’m up alone in a hotel room in the middle of nowhere reading The Bell Jar, watching a Lifetime movie on Shania Twain and eating a Cup of Noodles… I don’t know what part of that is most depressing.

22

Apr

I see video of myself drunk and I think,
that’s the funniest girl I’ve ever seen.

On repeat. All night. Home alone.
The Weeknd playing for hours.

21

Apr

The crazier the better.

The crazier the better.

I’ve got a bad case of the, wish-a-mother-fucker-would.

True.

True.

20

Apr

Optimism.

Optimism.

EDM is pandemonium.

19

Apr

Anthony Hopkins as Alfred Hitchcock, can’t wait!

Anthony Hopkins as Alfred Hitchcock, can’t wait!

Oh you fancy huh.
(urban outfitters)

Oh you fancy huh.
(urban outfitters)

I guess I’m a stylist too…

Model: Tiffany Mall
Hair/MUA: Stardom Stylist
Photo: Merc Photography
Jeans & Shirt: Made by me

I guess I’m a stylist too…

Model: Tiffany Mall
Hair/MUA: Stardom Stylist
Photo: Merc Photography
Jeans & Shirt: Made by me